Mashed Potatoes...

One might think this post will have soemthing to do with holiday leftovers, but alas it is about how I feel. Like mashed potatoes. Like a lump of mashed potatoes. I'm tired, I'm lost, and I just don't know what to do next, except that I have so much to do that I must choose something. So, I've chosen to let my feelings out here, in my safe place. My place where I can bitch and moan and make absolutely no sense, and it's okay. Where typos are not a problem, where rampling, run on sentences only add to the feeling of mania. Where I can let loose and hoepfully return some sanity and direction to my life before the bad stuff affects too much of my life.

So Mike is out of town again - for a good reason, but still away leaving me with a handful of responsibility and very little time to myself. I have the estate to worry about, and Diasy scouts, and the kids homework, and oh, by the way, my actual job - which is sitting patiently right now awaiting my dedicated return.

So here I am, still mashed potatoes. I've tried being creative - that helped a bit... I've tried doing somethign with the kids - that helped a bit... I've tried taking care of outstanding issues - that helped a bit... but nothing is making me whole right now.

There have been some things in my office that have left me feeling a little left behind. Not that I don't have great things to do in my job, but people are moving on to other things and leaving me wanting for something that I don't know or understand. I spent some time looking at job listings, and even found a few that are of interest. But, when it comes time to do something about them, that is apply for them with an updated resume, I lose steam. I start in on self doubt... I won't get it anyway, I don't have enough experience, I'm too heavy, I don't look the part... etc., etc., etc.

So, here I am writing about what's happening today, while avoiding everything else.I want so desperately to get organized, to get a handle on everything that I need to accomplish for everyone I need to accomplish them for, but I can't seem to find a system or organization that works for me. Something that constantly keeps me on track. And, if I find something that kinda works, I'm too lazy to do the work to make it work for me. I know, cry me a river... blah, blah, blah.

I feel like I'm trying really hard to get connected to people, but also not wanting to be connected, just to hide away and sleep, or go somewhere, do something. Get a haircut. I've wanted to get a haircut for sometime now, but haven't found the time. This is one of those getting organized things I can't seem to get, well, organized.

Well, as usual, something interrupted my ranting and changed my trajectory. I think I'll work for a bit, or write a to do list or something. I still feel a bit like mashed potatoes, but more like potatoes with something important to do.

'til next time... peace.